We think cheating on our partners is the worst thing we could do to them, don’t we? Unfortunately, things aren’t that simple, for, we are dealing with emotions here. A relationship is not based on an algorithm that runs on fixed and pre-decided programs. Moving beyond the notion that cheating is the pinnacle of relationship follies, here are ten such mistakes that you didn’t realize were worse than cheating.
1. Indulging in Excessive Solo Play
By now, women must have understood the carnal urges that men take great pride in. It is no more secret and jerking off to porn is now legitimately open in relationships. While this sort of an agreement in a relationship is healthy, women, don’t allow this to become a habit. Find out what is making him more interested in virtual fun than real-life fun. It is no embarrassment when trying to find out what satisfies him the most and if he continues to stick to solo play in spite of giving what he wants, then that’s something you need to discuss. Fun should never become a compulsion when it comes to something like sexual impulses. There’s always just a thin line between the two. Sometimes, this seems worse than straightforward infidelity.
2. Suffering From A Mental Health Problem And Keeping That A Secret
Everyone has secrets. They should, in fact. Again, you should know where to draw the line. Suffering in isolation is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. It is a breach of trust and intimacy that the two of you share. It is natural to think that your partner might not be able to understand your mental problems, for, that’s how mental issues are – enigmatic. It is not fair to expect them to understand the way you want them to. There are always perspectives, but that shouldn’t stop you from sharing it with your partner. He’d be hurt if he would know this is any other way rather than from you directly.
3. What’s Worse Than Cheating Itself Is The Fact That You Silently Tolerate
So, now you know that’s something cooking outside the two of you. And you choose to ignore that. Is that wishful thinking? Like, you want to believe nothing’s wrong? Or is it just the fear of a break-up? Supporting a lie is worse than lying itself. Coming to know of your partner’s affair is harsh, agreed but the only way you can stand for yourself is by speaking up. It is quite understandable why you would not want to talk about that. You fear you might have to hear things like, “Yes, I had an affair and I don’t regret it,” “Good that you noticed, it is time we broke up,” “I wanted to talk about this, I don’t think there’s that spark in our relationship anymore,” and “Cheating? Wasn’t this a part of our agreement.” The fear is because you know he might be right. However, all said and done uninformed infidelity is wrong and silently tolerating that is drop-dead worse than cheating.
4. Cheating Back As A Form of Retaliation
This is like cutting your nose to spite your face. Sleeping around for the sake of it is such a childish way to recoup from the “injustice.” Why would you want to become something you, yourself despised? Doing this is only going to satisfy your egotistic urges but isn’t going to heal the damage that the cheating has done to you. This will all backfire when you least expect and is only going to reflect in your prospective relationships. Revenge, in this case, is not a healthy way of dealing with the loss. Also, this doesn’t mean you should stop yourself from venturing out with new people. Just that don’t do this in the kiddo tit-for-tat way. Although, mark my word, this is the first alternative your mind can think of after you are tired of wallowing in misery for a while.
5. Just Too Many Boy Night Outs
Women, at least a lot of them, think they are congenial by letting their partners do whatever they want. This is essential, for, space is as valuable as a man and a woman for a relationship. I always dreamt of a “my room,””your room,” and “our room” concept. While this gives a good balance to your relationship know when and how to spend enough time in “our room” before the boys of your boy sabotage the quality time the two of you spend. Let him go; it is essential for a man’s ego. Remember to grab him back too! Too many men spending too much time together is a recipe for mayhem. Let him know subtly or directly (decide the degree of openness depending on the demand from the situation) that ditching you to his boys is worse than having a fling with some chick.
6. Not Letting Go Of The Ex Pleasure
The ex, creeping back into the scene is common. Welcoming the arrival now depends completely on you. Unless you have decided to have the cake and eat it too, don’t indulge too much in conversating with the ex because there’s always a kind of emotional dependence lingering between the ex and you. This emotional dependence might just emanate to maybe physical, financial, or sexual dependence. That sort of dependence under the name of “friends with ex” is a way of deceiving yourself along with your partner. This relationship might not apparently look like cheating but is filled with heavy overtones of disloyalty and double-dealing – outright worse than adultery.
7. From Being Territorial and Possessive To Jealous and Envious
Ain’t that quite a journey? It starts with a mild feeling of belongingness and slowly radiates to what I love calling a compulsive dependence to the extent where the relationship is messed up beyond repair. Being territorial is a part of the intimacy package, but when that crosses the line, you begin to hear and see things that are not quite real. “Why is he always on the phone? Is it some girl?””Why isn’t he having sex with me as often as before? Losing interest?” You tend to forget considering other possibilities. It could have been the latest project he is dealing with. He is stressed and is falling asleep faster. It could just be anything. Of course, jealousy and envy are masters at making your imagination go wild. Maybe even an affair outside the relationship might not be as ugly as what envy can make you do. Beware!
8. Faking It On The Bed
So, for some reason, you don’t want to be physically involved with your partner. This could be temporary – just a phase. Or maybe not. Either way, the worst thing you can do is fake it. You’d rather open up and discuss or have the maturity to sit with yourself and make an assessment as to what is making you behave in that particular way. Believe it or not, your partner knows it when you are faking it. Isn’t that outright unpleasant? This will make your partner question the very basis of your relationship. Spare them that and open up before it is too late.
9. Not Fighting
Yes, you heard me say it. Wondering why not fighting is wrong or rather worse than cheating? Most relationship therapists are scared of that phase in a relationship where the two of them are just cold and indifferent. Everything comes to a standstill, and this is a clear sign that you have stopped fighting for each other. Fights can get real nasty. You say things to each other which you might not even mean. Yet, this is definitely better than not communicating with each other or simply not even fighting. Many relationships reach this stage after years of differences and stay under one roof either because they have children to look after or just because they got used to each other. Don’t allow this phase to kick in. Sort out differences or better still part ways if things don’t seem to get better before you feel the need just to be indifferent to each other.
10. Hiding Addictions/ Fantasies/ Fetishes… if any
Again, a massive breach of trust is to hide an addiction or fantasy (sexual or otherwise), or a fetish. You can legitimately have your own secrets but not those which might potentially impact your spouse or the relationship in any way. You don’t have a choice when it comes to something as intense as an addiction or a fetish unless this level of individuality in a relationship had been decided upon by both of you. If you’ve crossed the friends with benefits sort of a stage and taken it to the next level, then no! Your partner might be ready to some extent to hear that he or she had been cheated upon but definitely might not see anything like this coming.
Are you doing any of these? Time to rethink. What’s your take on this? Ain’t all this worse than infidelity? Comment below and let me know.
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